


Samus and Solid Snake Go for A Drive and Get in A Wreck

by Uskius



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Car Accidents, Explicit Language, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25306225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uskius/pseuds/Uskius
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

_ “I’m going to ask the next person that walks through the lobby door,” _ Samus thought to herself. The door opened, and it was… Solid Snake! 

“Solid Snake, would you like to go on a car drive with me?”

“Sure thing, bruh. I ain’t got nothin’ to do but kill time now that my match be done,” Snake replied. He followed Samus out of the future-y and minnamalist lobby place, and saw that she was out of her zero suit and wearing a cornflower blue sundress and a hat with a floppy wide brim; the whole outfit highlighted her tallnesses, and revealed the top of a totally gnarly tattwo on her back. They made it out to the parking lot without starting a fight, though as they passed him Captain Falcon looked a little tipsy, again.

“This is my car,” Samus said, having gestures towards a purple Mustang converdipple.

“Sweet whip, yo,” Snake said. “Didn’t think you a sports car grrl.”

“It was just the first one I saw at the dealership, but I’ve found it can has the velocity to make good getaways.” Samus gave an awkward smile trying to look pretty, and opened Snake’s door for him, noticing she was taller. 

Samus got in and started up the car, buckling her seatbelt and checking to see the Snake’s was, too. “Would you like to get a hamburger to eat along the way?” Samus asked.

“That sounz a’ight with me, dude,” Snake said. He himself had been getting tired of matches that day, and thought he would ask the first person he saw after to go grab a snack. 

The radio started up as they pulled out of the parking lot. “Mask off, I came here to spit sickness! What y’all finna witness is carsinogenic…” 

“I can’t believe you actually decided to listen to that random-ass mixtape Joker handed out last month,” Snake opined.

“I always like to listen to new music,” Samus said. “I never really listened to it that much before Smash came along. I also find naming the mixtape Arson to be quite clever.”

“Well, yeah, but dude can’t flow, like legit.”

“Oh? I thought he was focusing on polyrythmik rappings,” Replied Samus. Solid Snake made “what?” face, and Samus turned up the groove. Solid Snake found that the rhythmz were indeed just landing different, and he gave his best Unimpressed look as he gazed out of the window. Samus glanced over at Snake as her hat brim and hair flapped about in the breaze. “How have you been today, Solid Snake?”

“Kinda up’n down, ya know- same ol’ same ol’. I four-stocked Ridley on Slide Fight but then lost like a buster to Kirby on Min Min’s stage. A whole buncha peeps been wantin’ a crack at me.”

“I too had a commanding wictory over Ridley recently,” Respondid Samus. “Our rivalry has also had a back and forth nature.”

“Ah yeah, you two go way back,” Snake remembered. He looked over at Samus: there was a tieny bit of blush makeup on her cheeks like of an afterthought, like she wasn’t much used to wearing it. He secretly had a thing(reed: dabilitating crush) for Lucina, but he had to admit Samus looked mostly pretty okay. “So what you been up to afta the World of Light?”

“I’ve have been looking into starting a rescue mission house for at-risk girls and teens in the inner Smash City,” Samus started. “I had of day to tough thorough thoughts, and saw I did things to save whole world many time, like with World of Light. So, I wanted to save won person at a time.”

“Aw hecc. That’s actually kinda nice, yo. Ya know, I’ve been wanting to do something to make up for the Shadow Moses mission fo’ a while. I get my kicks fighting in Smash, and I ain’t so hot on the military anymo’. I’d hate to see Smash City go down that old same path.”

Samus nodded, and Joker’s Last Surprise remix came up next. “Is there anything you would like to listen to, Solid Snake?”

“I’m almost strickly early tens hardstyle when I gotta moment,” Snake replied. Samus switched to the radio, finding a bangin’ station from a community college in Smash City. Solid Snake began to discreatly bob his head along. Samus smiled, seeing that Solid Snake was a man of somewhat rugged handsomes.

“Would you prefer Smash Burger or Smash Burger?” Ask-ed Samus.

“Do ya mean we goin’ to Smash Burger, or you talkin’ like I can choose between Smash Burger and the other Smash Burger? Cuz I would prefer Smash Burger, t’be honess,” Snake said.

“I too was thinking of Smash Burger. But I would be willing to go to the other Smash Burger if you didn’t want Smash Burger,” Samus said. She shared a look with Solid Snake, thinking of the burger joint that Isabelle started after the World of Light.

“...Actually, let’s just get summin’ from that drive-in a li’l down the road.”

“Oh! When did Sonic start a drive-in place?” Samus wondered. She pulled in and then shut the engine off with precisions.

“Chocolate slush and too extra large chili chease tots, please,” Solid Snake said with order givings.

Samus nodded and pressed the button, and her part of the order was a double cheeseburger with mayo and chili only, and some ched’r peppers and tots. She also got herself a mocha java chiller with Rease’s chunks. “You into anime?” Solid Snake asked, seeing two oddly familiar guys in the SUV across from them.

“I have found myself unable to watch anything besides Fruits Basket,” Samus confessed. “I generally prefer romantic novels and true crime podcasts.”

“Ayyo, Fruits Basket is legit, I’ll take that. Sailor Moon is my other fave classic, but lay’ly I been on a JoJo’s Bizarre Advencha kick.”

“You’ve heard of Fruits Basket, too?” Asked Samus to Solid Snake, with eyebrow raisings. “I had of the impresshin it was older show few watched currantly.” She looked over at the SUV she’d seen Snake watching, sure that she’d seen the two guys inside in a commercial somewhere. “Sometimes I wonder what animals people would turn intwo if I hugged them,” She said with of sheepish smile. Solid Snake for some reason almost brought up his Lucina body pillow, but caught himself and coughed instead.

“I’d probably be a snake,” Said Solid Snake. Samus giggled, and Snake had of blush of shame with the pureness of that sound.

“I think you’d be a tiger, and still have your eye patch,” Samus said. But the moment was gone when she said this, and she noticed the awkward. She felt her cheaks began to heet up and then the carhop came over with their food. Samus stuffed the bill into their hand, and the carhop understood and left trying not to smile. Samus occupied with constructing her sandwich, putting the jalapenos between the patties and a few the tots on top of them before putting all back together.

“That is one  _ ghetto _ -ass lookin’ heart attack right there,” Solid Snake commented. 

“I try to reconstruct it at every burger place I go to, if they have the necessary appetisers,” Samus said. She lifted it up towards Snake. “Um, cheers?”

“Yeah, I’m starvin’.” Snake cheersed the burger with one of his tot baskets, and they began to chow down. They made hungry happy food noises as they ate. Solid Snake was surprised to see Samus could get a solid bite of her burger. “Never really thought I’d see you all dresst up.”

“Was this outfit too much? I wanted to leave my Smash work clothes behind for the drive,” Samus explained.

“Nah, you look a’ight.”

“You do as well,” Samus quickly added. She began to sense the awkward again and continued to chow down on her burger. She had a surprise loud burp, but Snake had one of his own right after.

“We almost twinnin’ there for a moment!” Snake laughed. Samus felt relieved, and had of a small smile and said “excuse me” quietly. Samus turned the radio back on. He had wishings he was out eating with Lucina, but knew it was good to do the friend with other coworkers, too. Snake looked over and saw Samus had a bit of chili next to the corner of her mouth. “You got a li’l on ya right here,” He said, pointing. Samus tried to lick it away, which inexplicably sent a jolt down Snake’s spine and got him Battle Awake with that sight. “Uh, ya missed- here-” Snake used his napkin and dabbed away the chili. He cleared his throat and then turned away to sip on his chocolate slush.

“Thank you,” Said Samus. 

A few more eatings passed before Solid Snake looked up. “Say. You got this hot converdapple with the roof up. You wanna roll it back?”

“Hmm. The weather is good. Though, I do prefer it closed to help keep it clean.” Samus shrugged and looked for the lever a moment and then pulled it. Snake slowly began to grin as the top pulled back. A few more eatings after that, and the nice happy food time was finished, and Samus pulled out and away.

"So what do you do outside of Smash?" Samus asked Solid Snake, her long hair blowing about as she drove the purple converdipple down the road. 

"These days I'm more of a frealance enema artist than a soldier," Snake replied. "I'm also looking into bitcoin investments to help fund my next project."

“Oh! You may not be taking suggestions, but thinking of starting my shelter gave me of idea that you could start veterans’ help place.”

“Nah, I do think that’s a dope idea,” Solid Snake said. “Call it Redempshin Ark or summin’ like that. T’be honess my first coupla ideas were variations of enema bouteaks.”

“Or maybe you could start an enema bouteak for veteran’s,” Samus said with a laugh. Snake responded by changing to a random radio station. Samus noticed her hat was flapping around a lot now, so she took it off and put it in the seat between them. “I’ve been thinking a lot recently… about how to be new, and how to heal. It’s so confusing trying to discover yourself…”

Snake raised an eyebrow with an “eh, okay” head gesture. “You just do in bits and pieces, dawg. Ain’t nobody got all’a theirs. Parts ya need ain’t always whatcha lost. I spent five years trying to be a pro paintballer before Smash, and I was always so mad ‘cuz I thought ‘this is who I am an’ what I’m good at’, ya know?”

“I see… thank you, Solid Snake,” Samus said, turning to give Snake a warm smile, causing her to miss the speeding sedan coming around the median.

“Oh, sh-” Snake had just enough time to tuck his chin, and the impact slammed the Mustang front around, making Samus whip and hit her head on the door. Solid Snake's neck hurt and his kneas stung from being knocked together and it seemed like the traffics were of underwater around them as wreck smoke rose from the hood of the Mustang. Snake blinked and felt okay enough to move. He got out and went around the car, but Samus’s’ door wouldn’t open, so he unbuckled her and carried her out from his side with carefulnesses. “Ayyo Samus grrl, you wit’ us?” But as he layed her on the median he could see she was out colder than a salami. She had a bloodiness in her hair on her head. He took off his headband and got out his emergency supplies from his tactigal gear, and got a little doohickey to help Samus’ head before the 911 got there. Snake also saw Samus no breethe. He checked her pulse and feeled it slow, and started to do the CPR on her. He feeled her heart beat but Samus still had no breathings, so with great militarynesses he did mouth-to-mouth. He gave her his air. He also put his heart into it, not with kissings but with great friendships. After a few moments of the full CPR Samus began to breathe again.

“Did I have flung from the car?”

“Naw, I carried you out. You got a phone in the car so I can call a 911?” 

“Yes.”

“A’ight Imma leave you here. Dat cool?”

“Yes, Solid Snake. And check on the other driver, too.” Snake nodded and got up, but found the phone on the road next to the other car. The screen was cracked but it still turned on and worked. Then he check of the other car, a champagne gold Impala, and saw the driver was……….. Lucina!

“My literal princess are you okay?!”

“Chrom?” Lucina squinted as she rubbed her neck and the airbag burn. “Oh, I just can’t see without my glasses. Well, I’m sore and a little dizzy. I think I need to go to the hospital and get checked out.”

“Yes my princess. I’mma call right now.” Snape called the 911, which got there soon. He saw the medicals given to Samus and Lucina, and how they put Samus onto the stretcher bed. Snake saw them pushing Samus into the 911 and how some stayed with Lucina, and he didn’t know to stay or go. 

Just as the back doors of the 911 were being closed, Samus saw someone else get in. “Solid Snake?”

“No, you can call me Dave, Samus.”


	2. Chapter 2

It was half an hour late, and Solid Snake figured he would just ask the next person that came out. The doors to the lobby opened, and it was………………. Samus!

“Well howdy, ma’am!” He said, tipping his tacky neon orange visor.

“Oh, Solid Snake! I almost had forget,” Samus Said. “I was facing Wolf on Switch Zone and he played very defensively. You know how time seems to pass on that stage, correct?”

“Aw, I reckon you woulda been on time if ya coulda,” Snake said.

“Yes, correct,” Samus said, nodding. She saw Solid Snake, and how he was out of his tactical gear, wearing a tank top and floral Hawaiian shirt, and grean board shorts with Crocs. “Should I also dress casually?”

“Naw, tsallri’ iff’n ya don’t.”

“I shall change out of the armor.” She looked around the lobby, but there was only Captain Falcon loudly slurring his way through Wonderwall, again. “Would you accompany me to my fighter’s quarters and wait there? I already had an outfit in mind.”

“Eh, mide swell,” Snake said with a shrug. He followed Samus to the teleport cove and stepped in, the clear glass doors shutting behind them. She brought up the floor map, put in her room number, and hit confirm as the nearest cove to it popped up. They had whiskings away of the teleport technology did its workings, and just a moment later they steeped up to Samus’ room.

The temperature was cool inside, and there was little in the place over the basic future-looking style. Samus pressed a button on the armor somewhere, and it opened up for her to step out of, and turned into a ball after. “It should be quick,” Samus said. She put her hand up to the zero suit zipper and then stopped, glancing at Solid Snake before going through the door to her room. Snake saw that it was the small two room quarters, with one larger room that had applianses and a “kitchen” along one wall. Before he knew it, Samus was back out. She had on a white crop top and grean military-style jacket, and kacky capris, and platform sandals. She smiled and Snake smiled back, glancing out at Smash City through the large window at the end of the room before turning to leave with Samus.

“This’n here’s the row,” Snake said with a cheaky grin as they made it to the parking lot. “Guess which’ns mine.”

Pretending to not see the Chibi Lucina plushie hanging from the rear-view mirror, Samus pointed wrongly at the sports car next to it. “That one,” She said with confidences.

“Nope! This’n here’s muh baby,” Snake said, patting the weathered gray truck with a tan stripe on the side next to it. It wasn’t what Samus had expected, but it seemed to fit Solid Snake. He realized he forgot to take the plusie down as they got in and buckled. “She gives these out to ev’rybody,” Snake said of the plushie, with lies. “Ijes keeb dup cajey might see it.”

“It’s… a charming ornament,” Samus said, knowing how Snake tried to keep his crush(reed: crippling obsession) on Lucina a secret. “Perhaps I’ll ask her about one for my new car.” Snake cleared his throat and chuckled nervously, starting up the car and flipping on the CD player. They successfully made it out of the parking lot, barely making it past Ryu arguing with King K-Rool about double parking.

“So, owsdeh new car?” Snake asked, looking sideways at Samus.

“I bought it from Captain Falcon’s dealership,” Samus said with a smile. “I may not trust him to drive, but he has excellent used hover cars. It’s a simple blue two-seater with no fins and chrome trim.”

“Sounz fanseh,” Snake said, winking with his good eye. “I’m jus’ glad yirokay afferdat wreck we wren.”

“I’m not as dainty as I first appear,” Samus said, lifting her chin. “I most likely would have recovered in a week or two even without pre-fight quantum biotech. I was… more worried for Lucina,” Samus said, looking out to the road as they turned onto the freeway.

“Two cracktribs, brok’a nose and collabone, whiplash, an’ three brok’a toes,” Snake said from memory. He glanced at Samus, then turned away and fake coughed. “Shewazurt, bunnah too searis. Wooda been jus’ fine, ‘venchally.”

“She did seem to recover well,” Samus sighed. It seacretly annoyed her how big his crush on Lucina was, but there were moments every now and then when Snake seemed like he had it under control, so she didn’t want to bring it up. “But my car insurance company has been giving me trouble. I have to take defensive driving courses even though I proved the accident was Lucina’s fault, as well as pay much more than normal, now.”

“They gahdda make dat happih buck sumhow. Yuwa plied ferda World’alye discount?”

“No, I’m not with Smash City Insurance,” Samus replied, shaking her head. “I figured that since I am not a permanent resident, I would go with another provider.”

“Well shoot, Ianere much eeder, but I’m steal wit’ ‘em. It’s more this persnal thing of Sawkrye’s than some corprit muneh grab, so dey’ll treat ya good.”

“Oh? I had of impression Sakurai was more into technology and entertainment.”

“Ofa sher he is, balack asaid, is justa persnal thing for Smashers an’ dair famles. ‘E said is dlease eakado.” Samus nodded, making a mental note to check out switching car insurance later. The next track on Snake’s mixtape was a pretty chill housestep song with lyrics that sounded like they were about a quest for a sword.

“This is a very different song than I was expecting,” Samus said.

“Jusinnamoo fer sum’n diffrent,” Snake said with a shrug. “Tabee yawnis, I been feelin’ down’a rut lately. Been fide’n good, had’n fun, bajust… a li’l off, ya know? Cankwye puhma fean grahnit.”

“David,” Samus said, turning in her seat to face Snake. “You have my Smashphone number. I would be very willing to talk with you or listen if you needed to.”

“I… it’s been awye sensa gaht like dis. Tsardda stay healed. Spejly winya do what weedo.”

Samus frowned. “The ‘lone warrior’ myth sickens me when I encounter it. But most of all when an employer spreads it.”

“Millatry needs munneh too. Dair jasellin men’l junk foo, dzall.”

“But they treat us like single-use toiletries. It doesn’t fool the civilians, so they think of it as standard and acceptable protocol.”

Snake exhailed slowly. “...Think wudda needsa v’cation,” He said quietly with a wry chuckle. “Clearm’ed. Ralax. Jus’ gidway fer awye.”

Samus felt a burning fealing in her heart, and the edges of her ears got hot. “Then… then let’s do it today. I have my Smashcard with me. We could go anywhere. Anywhere you want.” Snake glanced over, and Samus looked like she was serious. He knew she didn’t normally do things like this, but he couldn’t quite speak, so he changed lanes and started back towards the access road. There was a feeling like a leg firing up after being asleap in the truck’s cab, and Samus closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, Snake was turning onto the highway out of Smash City.

Blinking, Snake gulped and looked over at Samus briefly. He was still thinking of her sudden vacation idea, and felt like, just for a moment, it would be possible to get something else off his chest. “Uh.. Sam… Sum’n Ibin hidin’ from peabfor awye is… E’er sinzwe’er boaten Smash… I hadda biggis crush on Lucin-” At that moment, the car in the passing lane on the other side of the highway violently had swerve over into the path of Snake’s truck, which he only saw for a split second before they crashed. The airbags of the truck were old and not put in well, so only one side of Snake’s opened, pushing him to the side bit and making his chest hit the edge of the steering wheel, and hitting his head on the dash.

Samus felt sore of the seetbelt and her airbag. She rubbed the back of her neck, and saw that Solid Snake was unconscious! She looked over through the back window of the other car, a navy blue Ford Focus, and saw that its driver appeared to be moving. Because of the crash the back of the Focus was blocking off Snake’s door, so Samus looked around, and unbuckled after seeing cars moving to other lane. She carefully moved Snake out, seeing he had a bloodiness from his nose. Samus took off her jacket and folded it up, putting it under Snake’s head as she laid him down. He was very still. His pulse had the fadings of faintness, and he didn’t seem to be breathing. So, she started to do the C.P.R. on Snake, starting of the chest compressions, feeling that his ribs had already been injured. After the second round of compressions Samus noticed Snake definitely wasn’t breathing still, so she started to do air transfer with great militaryness.

It seamed to take forever, but she felt Snake’s pulse rise, and him to breathe slowly. Then she heard a car coming up behind her! “Are you guys okay?!” It was… Princess Peach! “I was on my way out to the beech when I saw the crash from up ahead.”

“We’re all hurt,” Samus answered. “I suspect my adrenaline may be masking my injuries, based on how Snake is.” Peach looked down, and gasped with her hand over her mouth at seeing Snake’s horrendously tacky outfit.

“Oh dear, this is troubling. I’ll call the ambulance for you,” Peach said, looking back to Samus.

“Thank you. Would you mind watching over Snake?” Asked Samus. “I want to check on the other driver.” Peach nodded, and Samus walked around the truck. Looking into the window of the Focus, she saw the driver was……………………………………..

…………….Lucina! Samus could sea easily she was crying, and tapped on the window. Lucina turned slightly to use her peripheral vision, and used the button to roll down the window. “Are you injured?” Samus asked.

“My chest and my neck hurt so bad,” Lucina sobbed. “My contact had fallen out and I was doing okay staying in my lane looking for it, but then when I found it, my shoulder turned the steering wheal as I came up… I don’t know why this keeps happening to me…”

“Peach called for an ambulance, so help will be here soon.”

“I’m sorry,” Lucina said. Samus frowned with sad, and carefully rubbed Lucina’s shoulder.

“Samus?” 

“Excuse me,” Said Samus to Lucina. She hurried around to the truck, and saw that Snake was more awake.

“Are y’okay?” Asked Snake. “Yer maths bluddy.”

“It’s from resuscitating you,” Replied Samus. She sat down on the road next to Snake. “You were badly hurt.”

“Yeah, kin feal my ribs c’plainin’,” Snake noted dryly There became of quiet in the traffic around them, and Samus cleared her throat and spoke with quietness.

“David, about what you were going to tell me before the crash… I already know how you feel about her… Lucina.”

“Shar pazalways,” Snake said, blushing. “I- I jus’ can’t helbid.”

“She… is a charming and endearing young woman, I can see how you might like her,” Said Samus slowly, fealing like she was drinking nettles as she did so.

Snake saw Samus’ look and had a deep shame, almost crying. “...Woodya still wanna go on dat v’cation?”

“Yes.. just the two of us.”


	3. Chapter 3

The volleyball had a good bump and bounced by, the young girl laughing as she chased it. Solid Snake chuckled and took a sip from his Panama Sunrise. He looked over to where Samus reclined on her beach towel under the big striped umbrella. “Forsooth, what art thou reading, Samus?”

“I’m reading a proof that uses non-Euclidean quantum field emission in higher dimensions to show gravity is a metric space expression of the strong nuclear force.”

Snake blinked, nonplussed. “...Canst thee repeat that in plain English?”

“It’s…” Samus looked into the distance over the beach. “Talking about the force that draws stuff together being the same at any size or distance.” Samus looked over at Snake. “I’m having trouble understanding it myself, to be honest- my advanced physics is spaceships, their fuel, and how to fly them.”

“Ah, that dost reminisce me of studying the Coriolis effect and aerodynamics in sniper school,” Snake mused.

“I just can’t read romance or fantasy novels at the beach, because then I’ll get sucked into the story and forget to turn over and I’ll get tearible sunburns.” Samus glanced over at her Smashphone beside her. “Speaking of turning over, it’s about time for me to flip. Um, would you mind putting some sunscreen on my back, please?”

“I doth perceave that I canst,” Replied Snake. He set his drink down in the cuphold of his beach chair, and stepped over to the towel as Samus turned onto her stomach. He saw the back of her high-wasted one piece was scoopt down to her hips, which would make the job easy. Snake took the bottle of sunscreen from beside Samus’ phone and squirted. Some onto his palms before rubbing them together and applying it. He also got a look at her totally gnarly back tattwo, which was in a traditional Japanese style with colors of vibrant, butt moved on before he could of distract.

“Thanks,” Samus said with thanks.

“It beith no problem.,” Answered Snake. He had reclining back in his beach chair, and took another sip of his drink. It was getting hot, so he turned on the ventilation pack in his Crash Bandicoot cosplay suit, and had relaxings. He spent time imagining what kind of swimsuit Lucina might wear, if it would be flashy and daring or something else; he eventually deduced it would be a pink one piece with a frilly miniskirt attached. “Samus, perchance mayest I inquire if you dothest mind the universe is endless?”

“Having flown all around it, I know there are limits to what I’ve seen,” Answered she, resting her chin in her hand. “But, on good days, it feels like a happy older sibling waiting for me just out of sight.”

“Verily, there are some days when I perceive its unexplored reaches aseth well, but I feel like they just deparded,” Added Snake.

Samus sighed with thoughts. “The world always feels too big when you’re alone. When I’m by myself on interstellar flights, I always have to work extra hard on remembering where I came from and who I’m fighting for,” She said, looking over at Snake.

“Alas! How elegant and piquant beith hoesickness,” Breathed Snake. “Perchance the world of light iseth the companionchips forged along the way.”

Samus closed the proof and bit her lip with hesitances. “When was the last time you went home?” She asked after moments of silence.

“Fie! It hath been many moons. Sometimes I dream of Twin Lakes,” Answered Snake. Most of the time he dreemed of a fancy tea party with Lucina, but he kept that to himself.

Samus had an idea of visiting Twin Lakes with Snake, but it felt different and scary to ask, not like them hanging out on the beach. She swallowed and opened the proof back up, flipping forwards a couple pages. Their time floated along as a bubble, peppered with happy playing noises and wave sounds like other bubbles, and also real bubbles blown by little kids, which floated by like bubbles. This quiet happy was only interrupted by the suntan timer on Samus’ Smashphone beeping. “Already?” She said to herself. “Snake, are you hungry right now?”

“Indeed, my stomach doth protesteth.”

“Do you think we could go by a burger place before returning to build sand castles?”

“Forsooth, I would love to munch,” Snake opined. He and Samus started packing up, and she got her cornflower blue sundress and slipped it on, and put on her floppy wide brim hat.

“This has been nice,” Samus said with quiet as they pulled out of the beachfront parking lot. Snake nodded. She turned on the hovercar’s CD player, the dulcet tones of Amon Amarth’s  _ Twilight of the Thunder God _ playing loudly.

“Fie! What new sound is this, that dothe surprise me of your choice?” Asked Snake.

“I was scrolling through the A section of the music store and saw it,” Samus answered sheepishly. “It had a heroic-looking cover, so I thought I would buy it. I have not listened to metal in a long time, so it’s… interesting.”

“I hath remember of the last time mine throat made a sound like such as this, when I stubbed my toe on the bedpost late one night.”

“Stubbed my! Toe on! The bedpost!” Samus growled in time with the music.

“Pray tell! How didsteth thou learn such a skill?” Snake asked, flabbergasted.

“H’orq dzer’eth aqqloxha m’naal iirqwa Shuuldzer’ed,” Samus explained. “The sound was a critical part of the language, so I learned how the sound with the language on my way to the planet for my mission.”

“How zany! Thou must knoweth many languages.”

“Twenty-one,” Samus confirmed with noddings. “Though really, I’m only very fluent in about nine.”

“Merde. Je ne parle que six,” Snake muttered under his breath. “On Earth one is good most anywhere with only a handful of tongues,” He said louder. “What’s another fun one thou knowesteth?”

“Sindarin. I started learning it after I read this old Earth book series called the Lord of the Rings,” Samus said, trying not to remember how disappointed she was by Tom Bombadil’s exclusion from the movies. “The history of that series is so rich and deep.” After a moment she looked over at Snake and asked, “What’s your favorite word? In any language.”

“Mustaqbal,” Answered he, looking away. “Whenst I far hence on a mission in Yemen an old man once said unto me, ‘Mustaqbalik lays thrrana min maadik.’ Once upon a time beforeth his knee had of injury he waseth an mercenary also. Forsooth, the next week, I thought perchance there might beith something to religion for a lengthy sum of five seconds as I beheld of his eyes prior to pulling the trigger.” He turned to Samus, saying he now understood the phrase with his eyes. “Not infrequently dosteth I forget. But pray telleth, what is thine favorite word?”

“Dzir'iitluq,” Samus said before thinking. The Shuuldzer’eddha were a violent people of minimal affections, so technically the word translated to “that-which-wrenches-the-gut”. But, Samus quickly had a reelize and said before too long, “It means disembowelment. You could use it other ways, though,” Added she, so she felt better.

“A flexibility to disembowelment? A toot, perchance to fart?” Solid Snake wondered.

“Maybe more diarrhea than farting, but that would be one way,” Answered Samus, feeling increasingly guilty. To of distract, she switched from the Amon Amarth CD to the radio and the jazz station. Snake found he was able to relax more with the smooth yet bubbly jazz, and discreatly began to tap his toe along with the music.

As they came onto one of the main beach zone roads, Snake saw a billboard with the suave and grizzled politician punching “through” the billboard, his “Smash the vote!” slogan in a catchy speech bubble beside him. “Havesteth thou thought about who thine art voting for this election?” He asked.

“Sakurai can’t run for mayor of Smash City again, can he?”

“Nay, he iseth able, but for most only a singular time.”

“Hmm… well, I suppose I’m single-issue on this election,” Confessed Samus. “I’m close to opening up the rescue mission for teans and girls in inner Smash City- I was even of sign the lease later today. There is not anything really like it in the city, so I have to do some research about how an organization like mine would be treated by City Hall.”

“Forsooth!” Cried Snake. “How soon is the fullness of its time?”

“Not long. I am beginning to look into hiring, and then after that, to open and begin advertising.”

“Ah, what a bright and happy day that shall be,” Said Snake. “It verilyeth dost remind me of starting mine own veteran’s aid organization, as thou suggesteded once. It would be, such as thine own mission, a place to fill the lacking of Smash City. I hath been recalling it more and more often.” Snake looked out at the traffic, thinking of the billboard. “Doith thou ponder of Smash City electing one who art a Jew?” He asked.

“Sometimes, I do see how they’re treated in this city, and wonder about that,” Answered Samus. “I know Sakurai tries to have a position of equality, so I am not sure why things are how they are. Maybe electing someone Jewish would change that.” Samus shrugged. She saw the sign of the burger place they had passed on the way to the beach. “Have you ever been here?” Asked she, gesturing.

“Not twice, not once, but I hath never,” Snake said. “I wouldst be well pleased of this burger establishment.” Samus nodded and changed lanes, and a little later turned into the parking lot.

“Um, since this is so close by, how about we go to the drive-through and take the food back to the beach?”

“Again, thatdst would be most agreeable,” Agreed Snake. “Hmm, ‘try our new Dummy Thicc bison burger with blue cheese and pineapple slices?’ Forsooth, how dost that tickle mine ears and tantalize my tummy! Though I must lament the flatulence blue cheese giveth me; I once did fart so hard fell limpings had I for an hour upon imbibing it.”

“Oh, I have to deal with gas  _ all _ the time if I’m ever eating somewhere besides home or Smash City,” Shared Samus. “The small way that foods adapt to different biomes and climates on foreign planets wreaks havoc on my gut. It’s horrible.”

“And yet, I do persist,” Snake said with a chuckle. As they slowed down and settled into the drive through line, they could hear someone shouting inside: it was Captain Falcon, saying something like “Call Me Maybe is a masterpiece!” over and over, slamming his fist with the fry cup squeezed in it on the table. Samus and Snake shared a look, and Samus gratefully pulled forwards past the big side window once the line moved. 

Then…………. there was the roar of an engine with suddenness, and a car backed out of the parking spots opposite the drive through lane and smashed into Samus’ hover car! It pushed them back, the rear of the hover car smacking into the building. Samus blinked, confused and surprised, but not hurt; she turned to Solid Snake and he seemed okay, too. The passenger side of the shabby minivan that had crashed into the hovercar opened up, and out came…………………………. Chrom!

“Are you guys alright?!” He asked with concerned, jogging over. 

“I think we’re okay,” Samus said, glancing at Snake. “I wasn’t sure, but it looks like this hover car has anti-roll tracking. The older models usually don’t have it.”

“Oh, that’s a relief,” Said Chrom, having a big exhale. But then he saw where the hover car had crashed into the building and groned, holding his face into his hands.

“Are they okay?” The driver of the old minivan got out and sprinted over. It was……….  _ Lucina! _

“They’re fine, but…” Chrom pointed to the burger store, and Lucina gave a wail of defeat.

“I walked into the dealership and bought the crappiest looking thing in their lot so I wouldn’t lose so much money on these wrecks I’ve been getting into recently but that doesn’t matter anyways because now I’m going to get sued by this place and their burgers probably aren’t even all that  _ good! _ ” Lucina said in one breath. “The parking brake got stuck, but when I was jiggling it around I was pressing on the gas pedal and leaning back to get a little more power and then it released and we came flying back into you guys before I had a chance to hit the breaks and I’m so sorry I-” Lucina paused, seeing Snake staring at her. She looked down at herself, she was just wearing her pink one piece with the frilly miniskirt attached and a gauzy beach jacket, but then she recognized Snake. “Oh  _ no! _ ” Lucina sank down to her knees and sobbed. “I’d heard Samus was going to be busy later today so I thought  _ maybe _ dad and I could just take off to the beach zone and relax and not have to worry about any stupid car accidents but that doesn’t matter anyways because I guess you guys thought the same thing too and now this happened again even though I was  _ specifically _ trying to avoid-” Lucina started to ugly cry, and Samus got out and went to give her a hug.

“I’m not mad at you,” Samus whispered, rubbing and patting Lucina’s back. “I have an idea: we can have a sleepover at our fighter’s quarters so we don’t have to worry about driving anywhere, and we can wear our pyjamas and watch movies and eat popcorn, and play silly party games and do karaoke…” And then Captain Falcon started singing Call Me Maybe.


End file.
